Connecting with your child and making them feel loved is all we ever want as parents. But some days that can seem harder than ever. If you really want to connect with your kid you need to find their love language!
Knowing your Childs Love Language Can Help You Connect
All children are different. They differ in their behaviors, in their personalities, and in the way they show affection. Because of this, learning what a Child’s love language is can be extremely important in figuring out how they need to be loved.
My 11-year-old daughter is constantly asking me to do things with her. The majority of the time its simple things she can easily do on her own.
Half the time she asks me to do things for her and I get so irritated because I feel like she’s just being lazy and wants to treat me like her own personal servant.
THEN I read the book “The 5 Love Languages of Children” By Gary Chapman, Ph.D. and it clicked like a giant light bulb. My daughter’s love language is Acts of Service.
Once I really got an understanding of the different love languages, it became a lot easier to understand my daughter and her constant need to have me do things with her.
Once I started to understand her more, I became more patient. And when I started doing more acts of service, she became a better-behaved kid. All because I learned her specific love language.
The Importance of Learning Your Child’s Love Language
The best thing we can do for our kids is to make them feel loved and safe. Making them feel loved can boost their confidence and raise their self-esteem.
It can also help build a strong bond between you and your child.
But loving them YOUR way may not be the kind of love that they need. So finding out the best way that THEY need you to love them is crucial.
your child will feel loved if you find a way to communicate it. And since every kid is different, it really becomes about learning what is the best way to love your specific child.
Not sure what your Child’s love language is? Let’s explore them all!
Related Read: 10 Powerful Ways To Boost Your Child’s Self-Esteem
Do You Know Your Child’s Love Language?
Let’s briefly go over the 5 love languages and learn a little more about them. These are all 5, in order of which are the most common:
- Words of Affirmation: (23% of people)
- Quality time: (20% of people)
- Acts of service: (20% of people)
- Physical touch: (19% of people)
- Receiving gifts: (18% of people)
Once you figure out your Child’s love language, it will become so much easier to understand them and to bond with them. All because you are communicating your love to them the way they need it.
Words of Affirmation
Kids who love getting praise from their parents more than likely have the love language ‘words of affirmation’. Children with this love language light up when you say nice things about them and seek out your approval in everything they do.
Your words are the most powerful way to communicate love to them.
Kids who often tell you they love you and give you complemtinets are hoping for those things in return. If you have a child like this, try saying something positive to them every day.
You can start by telling them how much you love them, how much they mean to you love being around them.
Here are some more ways to express love to these kids:
- Tell them you love them every single day
- Find something great they do and point it out to them
- Let them overhear you saying great things about them to someone else
- Be receptive and overly happy when they say something nice to use
- Use a Positive Saying with them every day
- Use names of affection with them
- Acknowledge their good intentions when they make a mistake
- Leave them little love notes or letters around their room or in their lunch box
My daughter and I share this notebook. We use it to write letters back and forth to each other. I’ll write a letter in it and leave it on her nightstand to find. Then she’ll do the same for me. It’s a great way to use words of affirmation with your child.
If you have a child who loves spending time with you…even almost in a clingy way… then your Childs love language is Quality Time.
Not only do they love to spend time with you, but they are constantly asking you to “watch this!” or “look at me!”. Even my tween will continuously ask me “Wanna see what I’m doing?” and even though its some boring Roblox house, I always say yes because I know it’s super important to her.
It may seem like you’ll never get your alone time again, but look at it in a positive way. Your child is begging for your time because that’s how they are showing you that they love you.
Here are some more ways you can communicate love with a child who’s love language is Quality Time:
- Set aside special time for just the two of you, even if it’s only 10-15 minutes a day
- Sit next teach other even if you are doing different activities.
- Always stop what you are doing and pay attention when they ask you something
- Never use time outs when discipling them
- Have them help you around the house
- Bring your child along to do errands
Bedtime can be really important for kids who need Quality Time. Set up a bedtime routine and plan to spend the last hour of their day with them. Even if it’s just sitting there watching them brush their teeth or take a bath, just being there will mean everything to them.
Acts of Service
Does your kid boss you around and ask you to do everything for them? Do you sometimes feel like they are being lazy and just want you to be their personal servant? Chances are Acts of Service is their love language!
It night be really easy to think out child is taking advantage of us or just being plain lazy. My daughter constantly asks me to do things for her I know she can easily do.
Every night she needs to feed her guinea pig some lettuce and give him fresh water. She knows how to do it, she’s done it a million times. But she still asks me every night to do it for her. And even if I can convince her to do it herself, she’ll ask if I can do it with her. Really? It takes 2 people to give a guinea pig lettuce?
But what I used to think offs her being really lazy and clingy is actually her showing me that her love language is Acts of Service.
If your child shows love through acts of service, try doing these things:
- Do something for them without them asking
- Offer to fix something for them
- Help with occasional tasks
- Make a special treat
- Brushing their hair or help pick out an outfit
- Sit in the bathroom with them while they take a shower just to be there to hand them their towel at the end.
- Help them with their homework
Just be very careful to know when to draw the line between an act of service out of love, or being taken advantage of (like constantly cleaning up after them).
While most kids loved to be hugged and kissed by their parents, kids who’s love language is physical touch love the extra touches and need that constant contact from you.
It’s not just about hugs and kisses.
You’ll notice they cling to you more, want to sit on your lap all the time, play with your hair, or try to wrestle you. All of those simple things are acts of love for your child who has a love language of Physical Touch.
Here are more ways to communicate love through Physical Touch:
- Hold them on your lap while watching TV
- Offer hugs and cuddles often
- Cuddle with them in bed at night
- Play with their hair
- Give high fives
- Give each other massages
- Hold hands when walking
Even if your kid is older and acts like they are too cool for physical gestures, just a gentle hand on the should or high-five can be small acts but have a significant impact on how they know they are loved.
Giving and Receiving of Gifts
What child doenst like getting gifts? They tear throw presents at Christmas time and constantly ask for more things. Gimme gimme gimme! But loving gifts does not make your Childs love language gift getting.
A Child who’s love language is Gifts loves the sentimental gifts. They are more likely to really take their time opening presents versus other kids who rip through a whole pile in seconds.
And if they had a choice, they would rather get a family heirloom or something that really means something than a shiny new toy.
Gifts become a physical symbol of love for these kids. So even if you have old items from your childhood to give them, they will love and cherish these special gifts more than anything.
More ways to communicate love through Gift Giving:
- Choose small gifts to give as rewards
- Make them a personalized photo album
- Give them your old childhood toys
- Make them their favorite meal
- Put thought into nice gift boxes and wrapping when giving them gifts
- Give a book with a written message in it.
Even though Gift giving is not my daughter’s primary love language, she cherishes the Snuggle Puppy book I gave her as a baby. I wrote a message in it and we sing the song inside all the time. Even as a tween. I’ll pull the book out when she’s having a really bad day and sing it to her.
A Child’s Love Language is Ever-Changing
One thing to keep in mind is that love languages do change over time as your child grows and matures. Quality time as a toddler may change to words of praise as a tween or teen.
Its always best to review the love languages every few years and pay attention to what your child is feeling.
Because when you learn to communicate love the way your child needs it, you give them confidence, raise their self-esteem, and create a really strong bond.
You Might Also Be Interested In:
- 10 Powerful Ways To Boost your Child’s Self-Esteem
- 12 Tips For Raising Confident Kids
- Easy Ways To Be a More Patient Parent
- How To Raise Kids Who are Always Happy
- 55 Conversation Starts to Bond With Your Kids
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