Your baby has been crying and you’ve tried everything you can to calm them down. You’ve read all the books and listened to all the advice and still, nothing works. Babies cry, you get that. So why do you feel like you are going to lose your mind?
What are some ways to cope with a crying baby?
Before I became a mom, I had visions of how I would handle my crying child. Soothing them and rocking them while singing a song softly in their ears.
Of course, babies cry, but I could handle it.
I would see other moms yell at their babies or toddler and think, is that really necessary? It’s a baby! Little did I know that I would become a mom who needed advice on how not to lose your mind with a crying baby.
I was a lucky mom. My daughter was a really good baby. She never had colic and she was rarely ever sick. She only really fussed when she was hungry and as long as I put a bottle or a pacifier in her mouth, she was happy. So you could imagine my frustration when I would get so angry at her being fussy and lose my cool, and then the intense guilt that came after that.
It took me a long time to realize that even the best babies are still babies. This means they cry, they fuss, they require a ton of attention, and their only way of communicating anything is by their cries.
How to stay calm when your baby won’t stop crying
We all expect the first few weeks of bringing home a baby will be hard. Your body is healing and you are waking up every few hours to feed your child. But what happens when your baby turns 6 months, or 9 months, or even a year old? When it’s supposed to be all giggles and stroller rides and cute photos… only it’s not.
My biggest breaking point came when my daughter was about 6 months old. She was being a normal baby on her changing table, twisting around and making it hard to get her diaper on her, or grabbing the powder and making a mess.
I finally had her dressed and ready to go and sat her up and about two seconds later (for reasons I still can’t figure out) she flung her body backward and smacked her head on the edge of the changing table… about 2 inches off the changing pad.
My initial reaction wasn’t to see if she was ok… it was more like “God damn it Abby!” Yes, I yelled at my baby and blamed her. I was so tired and so frustrated I just felt like I was going to lose my mind. And then the mom guilt hit and I was about a second away from losing my sh*t altogether.
There are plenty of places you can go to read about how to soothe a crying baby. This is not for that. This is for all the moms who reached a breaking point. For all the moms who need to know they are not alone. And for all the moms who need to learn how not to lose your mind with a crying baby.
You might also be interested in Simple Habits of a Happy Mom.
You are not a bad mom
First and foremost you need to understand that just because you lose your cool around your child does not make you a bad mom. It makes you a very normal mom who has joined the club of realizing just how hard parenting can be. And even more surprisingly… you are not alone!
You may have judged other parents in the past that have actually harmed their infants and thought how could anyone ever do that to a child? But now that you are a parent and reality has set in on how hard this really is, you find yourself starting to understand.
I can tell you this… most moms have had those thoughts. Thoughts of harming your child, or thoughts of leaving your child. The problem is, these are thoughts that the majority of moms hide.
Why exactly do we hide these thoughts from each other? It’s often out of fear. Fear of being considered a bad mom, fear of people thinking they should take our babies away, or even fear of your partner questioning your parenting.
Have you ever caught yourself having these thoughts of motherhood? I hate this. I can’t do this. Why did I do this? I can’t do this anymore! Chances are, so has every other mom out there. Even the ones with the ‘easy babies’.
So step number 1; stop hiding your frustrations. The first time I actually admitted to another mom that there were days I really wanted to harm my daughter, I will never forget the look of relief on her face. And the ‘YESSS’ that very quickly escaped her mouth.
From that moment on I started to share my parenting frustrations, failures, and dark mom moments. The more moms realize we are all the same, the more we can start to help each other get through those tough times.
How not to lose your mind with a crying baby
In order for you to survive motherhood, you must first tell yourself you are not a bad mom and understand you are not alone in your thoughts. You have YEARS of your kids frustrating you and thoughts of sending them to an orphanage ahead of you. So take a deep breath, and learn how not to lose your mind with a crying baby.
Learn to recognize when you are at your breaking point
Maybe your child isn’t even crying that much but with lack of sleep and self-doubt clouding your every move, even the tiniest thing can send you over the edge. Learn to know when you are feeling that and when you need to do something about it.
Learn to walk away!
Put your baby in their crib, or a playpen, or any area where they will be safe. And just. walk. away. You are not abandoning your baby, you are not deserting them. You are taking some much needed time to yourself to regroup and calm your emotions.
A baby has no concept of time. They will have no idea if you left for 1 minute to warm a bottle, or for 20 minutes to calm your nerves. Put it in perspective: a few minutes of them crying on their own is better than being around a parent who is tense and stressed out.
There are times I went into my room and just cried and cried. Sometimes you just gotta let it out. I would get it all out, take a few calming breaths, and be ready to go back to my daughter with a clearer head. Whatever you need to do, for however long you need to do it for, walk away and collect yourself.
Ask for help
There is no shame in needing help as a mom. If you have a partner, ask them to take over while you walk away to calm down. Have a friend you can call? As a mom, I never wanted to bother my friends with my inability to be a good mom. But as a friend, I’d be happy to jump in and help a new mom who needs it.
Why is it that we are so willing to help others, but not willing to accept that others might want to help us too?
Don’t be shy. Reach out to a friend or relative and ask for just a little bit of their time. If they are a parent themselves, they will understand! (And if you have a friend who has a young child, offer to do the same. Make it known you are there for them. Lord knows they will need it!)
Find a mom tribe
Sometimes its easier to share your feelings with people you don’t know. Nothing better than an anonymous group of moms with similar issues who won’t forever hold your negative feelings against you.
This group on Facebook has helped a lot with connecting with other moms, or just being able to share my feelings and know there are others out there.
Always remember that tomorrow is a new day
If you are a new mom, I hate to break it to you but there are a million bad days ahead of you. Youll have to learn how to let go of the mom-guilt. Whenever I have a low parenting day, I tell myself that tomorrow is a new day and I can start over.
Every morning we wake up, we have a chance to start fresh. So on your darkest days when you feel like you are losing your mind, tell yourself that when you wake up in the morning you have a chance to start over.
This is a concept I’ve shared with my daughter as she has gotten older. When she’s pissed and I’m pissed and we yell and have a mother-daughter fight… we walk away, collect our emotions, and tell each other that tomorrow is a new day. Let’s let go of what happened today and start fresh tomorrow.
Remember that moms are human too and we all need to take care of ourselves!
Take time for self-care and you will be better equipped to care for your kids!
If there is any chance you liked this article or think it could help out another mom…please share it around!
PS… Follow more of my not-so-perfect mom life on Instagram and Pinterest
I loved this post. So much of it resonated with me. I’ve had entirely more guilt-ridden days than I care to admit, but that’s life..especially as a mom. I think it’s awesome that you and your daughter can understand that tomorrow is a chance to start over. I’m definitely going to start sharing that with my oldest when we have a particularly bad day. Thank you for sharing all of this.
So glad this helped you! I agree SO MUCH that moms need to share more, the good AND the bad. We all have that mom-guilt but suffer in silence too much. Good luck!
My daughter is 11 months and is a pretty ‘easy’ baby most would say. I am a single mom and I work at a daycare taking care of 27 two year olds from 8:30 – 5:30 every weekday. I am so burnt-out, and I know it. I feel so guilty because in trying to provide for us, I give my all to my job and the kids at the daycare center just trying to keep my shit together and not lose it on someone else’s kid; with all the tantrums, stubbornness, and potty messes I’m surprised I’ve managed to do so so far. When I get home with my daughter I honestly just want to take a shower and go to bed. However, I am attempting to read for a book club, balance my budget, and apply for new jobs so that I can continue trying to better our lives. She was not having any part of that tonight. She is at that point where she constantly wants to play and fights going to sleep. I want to be the best mom I can be, but honestly I’m exhausted, over-exerted, and touched out. When I got home today I felt like my battery was below zero, and I am MORE than stressed out – any little thing has triggered my anger lately. My daughter won’t relax unless she is attached to my boob (still breastfeeding), but she bit the heck out of me this past weekend and I can’t stand to have her latch bc of the pain. She was screaming for the past 45 minutes and I about damn near lost my mind… I’ve never wanted to hurt my daughter, but tonight I felt like it. I FEEL HORRIBLE AND WORTHLESS AS A MOM RIGHT NOW. But I was able to find your article to at least know that I’m not alone in this battle. I just want to thank you from the bottom of my heart because I needed to read this tonight. God bless 🙏
I feel you on this momma! I have an almost 7 month old baby that is breast fed. She is attached to me and only falls asleep when I hold her or on the boob. I’ve been trying to get her to sleep in her bassinet more bc I also have an almost 2 year old that needs me and I can’t always contact nap with her as he needs me. I feel so awful because I went through about 45 minutes of trying to get her to settle down without the boob. I had to put her down for a minute while I took care of her brother. She screamed even louder as she was not in my arms. I feel awful because I lost my cool for a second and yelled out loud. All right. I think I startled both the kids. Now I feel so horrible like how could I have gotten so aggravated at a baby. She is now sleeping on the boob. My son seems to of forgotten it already. I’m not one to yell much and I think it might’ve found it funny but I think I scared my little one. I haven’t been sleeping well and maybe been living on about four hours asleep for a few weeks now. It’s not an excuse, but I think that’s part of the reason I lost. My cool is being so tired. I think that sometimes we have to remember we are all human and not perfect. Tomorrow is definitely a new chance to start over. I think I’ll us mamas are doing the best we can. 💜