My Baby Won’t Stop Crying and I’ve Tried Everything: How Not to Lose Your Mind

Your baby has been crying, and you’ve tried everything you can to calm them down. You’ve read all the books and listened to all the advice, and still, nothing works. Babies cry for various reasons, and understanding the nuances of a baby cry is crucial. Recognizing whether the baby’s cry is due to hunger, tiredness, or discomfort can help you respond appropriately to their needs.

Babies’ cries can indicate different needs and emotions. It is important for caregivers to quickly recognize and respond to the baby’s cries, understanding their specific needs. Paying attention to the baby’s signals and mood changes can help you effectively soothe them and ensure their well-being.

Understanding Why Babies Cry

Babies cry to communicate their needs, wants, and emotions. It’s essential to understand that crying is a normal part of a baby’s language and development. Imagine if you had no words to express yourself—crying is your baby’s way of saying, “Hey, I need something!” Whether it’s hunger, thirst, discomfort, or just needing a cuddle, babies cry to let us know what’s going on.

Think of it this way: when your baby cries, they’re not trying to frustrate you; they’re trying to tell you something important. By recognizing and responding to your baby’s cries, you’re building trust and strengthening your bond. So next time your baby cries, take a deep breath and remember, it’s their way of communicating with you.

What are some ways to cope with common reasons babies cry?

Before I became a mom, I had visions of how I would handle my crying child. Soothing them and rocking them while singing a song softly in their ears.

Of course, babies cry, but I could handle it.

I would see other moms yell at their babies or toddler and think, is that really necessary? It’s a baby! Little did I know that I would become a mom who needed advice on how not to lose your mind with a crying infant.

I was a lucky mom. My daughter was a really good baby. She never had colic and she was rarely ever sick. She only really fussed when she was hungry and as long as I put a bottle or a pacifier in her mouth, she was happy. So you could imagine my frustration when I would get so angry at her being fussy and lose my cool, and then the intense guilt that came after that.

It took me a long time to realize that even the best babies are still babies. This means they cry, they fuss, they require a ton of attention, and their only way of communicating anything is by their cries. Taking deep breaths and maintaining calmness can help parents effectively address their child’s cries.

Soothing a Crying Baby

Soothing a crying baby can be challenging, but there are several strategies that can help. First, check for physical needs like hunger, thirst, or a wet diaper. Sometimes, the solution is as simple as a quick diaper change or a feeding.

Creating a calm environment can also work wonders. Reduce noise and light levels to help your baby relax. White noise, such as a sound machine or a fan, can be particularly effective in soothing a crying baby. The gentle hum mimics the sounds they heard in the womb, providing a sense of comfort.

You can also try the “5 S’s”: swaddling, shushing, side/stomach position, shaking (gentle rocking), and sucking (like a pacifier). These techniques can help your baby feel secure and comforted, making it easier for them to calm down.

How to stay calm when your baby won’t stop crying

We all expect the first few weeks of bringing home a baby will be hard. Your body is healing and you are waking up every few hours to feed your child. But what happens when your baby turns 6 months, or 9 months, or even a year old? When it’s supposed to be all giggles and stroller rides and cute photos… only it’s not.

My biggest breaking point came when my daughter was about 6 months old. She was being a normal baby on her changing table, twisting around and making it hard to get her diaper on her, or grabbing the powder and making a mess.

I finally had her dressed and ready to go and sat her up and about two seconds later (for reasons I still can’t figure out) she flung her body backward and smacked her head on the edge of the changing table… about 2 inches off the changing pad.

My initial reaction wasn’t to see if she was ok… it was more like “God damn it Abby!” Yes, I yelled at my baby and blamed her. I was so tired and so frustrated I just felt like I was going to lose my mind. And then the mom guilt hit and I was about a second away from losing my sh*t altogether. The emotional toll of a baby’s crying can be overwhelming, making it hard to stay calm and composed.

There are plenty of places you can go to read about how to soothe a crying baby. This is not for that. This is for all the moms who reached a breaking point. For all the moms who need to know they are not alone. And for all the moms who need to learn how not to lose your mind with a crying baby. Sometimes, letting babies cry can help them fall asleep faster, as they express their discomfort and eventually settle down.

You are not a bad mom

First and foremost you need to understand that just because you lose your cool around your child does not make you a bad mom. It makes you a very normal mom who has joined the club of realizing just how hard parenting can be. And even more surprisingly… you are not alone!

You may have judged other parents in the past that have actually harmed their infants and thought how could anyone ever do that to a child? But now that you are a parent and reality has set in on how hard this really is, you find yourself starting to understand.

I can tell you this… most moms have had those thoughts. Thoughts of harming your child, or thoughts of leaving your child. The problem is, these are thoughts that the majority of moms hide.

Why exactly do we hide these thoughts from each other? It’s often out of fear. Fear of being considered a bad mom, fear of people thinking they should take our babies away, or even fear of your partner questioning your parenting.

Have you ever caught yourself having these thoughts of motherhood? I hate this.  I can’t do this. Why did I do this? I can’t do this anymore! Chances are, so has every other mom out there. Even the ones with the ‘easy babies’. Understanding the common reasons babies cry, such as hunger, fatigue, or the need for interaction, can help you feel more prepared and less isolated.

So step number 1; stop hiding your frustrations. The first time I actually admitted to another mom that there were days I really wanted to harm my daughter, I will never forget the look of relief on her face. And the ‘YESSS’ that very quickly escaped her mouth.

From that moment on I started to share my parenting frustrations, failures, and dark mom moments. The more moms realize we are all the same, the more we can start to help each other get through those tough times.

In order for you to survive motherhood, you must first tell yourself you are not a bad mom and understand you are not alone in your thoughts. You have YEARS of your kids frustrating you and thoughts of sending them to an orphanage ahead of you. So take a deep breath, and learn how not to lose your mind with a crying baby. Dealing with a fussy baby who cries persistently can be particularly challenging, but knowing you are not alone can make a big difference.

Learn to walk away!

Put your baby in their crib, or a playpen, or any area where they will be safe. And just. walk. away. You are not abandoning your baby, you are not deserting them. You are taking some much needed time to yourself to regroup and calm your emotions.

A baby has no concept of time. They will have no idea if you left for 1 minute to warm a bottle, or for 20 minutes to calm your nerves. Put it in perspective: a few minutes of them crying on their own is better than being around a parent who is tense and stressed out.

There are times I went into my room and just cried and cried. Sometimes you just gotta let it out. I would get it all out, take a few calming breaths, and be ready to go back to my daughter with a clearer head. Whatever you need to do, for however long you need to do it for, walk away and collect yourself. If you have concerns about how your baby sleeps or their crying patterns, it is important to consult healthcare professionals for support and guidance.

Colic and Fussiness

Colic is a common condition characterized by excessive crying in babies with no obvious cause. It’s essential to recognize the signs of colic, which can include crying that lasts for three or more hours a day, three or more days a week, for at least three weeks. If you suspect your baby has colic, consult with your pediatrician to rule out any underlying medical issues.

In the meantime, try to establish a calming routine. A warm bath or a gentle massage can help soothe your baby. Remember, colic is temporary, and with time and patience, it will pass. Lean on your support system and don’t hesitate to ask for help when you need it.

Find a mom tribe

Sometimes its easier to share your feelings with people you don’t know. Nothing better than an anonymous group of moms with similar issues who won’t forever hold your negative feelings against you.

This group on Facebook has helped a lot with connecting with other moms, or just being able to share my feelings and know there are others out there.

Always remember that tomorrow is a new day

If you are a new mom, I hate to break it to you but there are a million bad days ahead of you. Youll have to learn how to let go of the mom-guilt. Whenever I have a low parenting day, I tell myself that tomorrow is a new day and I can start over.

Every morning we wake up, we have a chance to start fresh. So on your darkest days when you feel like you are losing your mind, tell yourself that when you wake up in the morning you have a chance to start over.

This is a concept I’ve shared with my daughter as she has gotten older. When she’s pissed and I’m pissed and we yell and have a mother-daughter fight… we walk away, collect our emotions, and tell each other that tomorrow is a new day. Let’s let go of what happened today and start fresh tomorrow.