Looking for ways to effectively discipline your kids without constantly yelling at them? Try these simple but effective discipline techniques to avoid punishments.
5 Positive Discipline techniques that actually work
It wasn’t too long ago that it felt like my only communication with my daughter was just yelling. I had no defined discipline technique and it showed.
Every time she acted up, I felt stressed out and overwhelmed and I took it out on her. Some of the things I’ve said in anger towards my child… I’m disappointed in myself for.
I got to a point where I knew once I raised my voice, I lost her. She wasn’t paying attention anymore and her anger was growing as mine did.
We just became two people getting more and more angry and not making any progress.
By finding an effective discipline technique that actually worked, my daughter and I started having fewer conflicts. Even in the toughest times, I noticed that if I’d kept my cool and followed a disciplining plan, the outcome was
1 – Positive Discipline
Positive Discipline is a technique used by most schools that focus on kids positive behavior and ignores the negative behavior. By reinforcing positive behavior, kids are more likely to continue the good behaviors.
While some may think this is just ignoring bad behavior, it’s really a way to get kids to use good behavior to get attention rather than bad behavior.
This is the technique we use in our home and it’s been amazing. The more I praise my daughter for even the simplest things, she just beams inside and the next thing I know, she’s consistently trying to get my attention with GOOD behavior.
Ways you can incorporate this technique at home: When your child exhibits bad behavior, you simply send them to their room and say “Rule broken, take a break”. No arguing, no explaining the rules, just repeat the phrase. You don’t need to completely ignore the behavior, but you try not to give any attention to the bad behavior.
When you see your child exhibit any kind of positive behavior… praise them! Even if it’s something simple like they got dressed and brushed their teeth without being asked. Try using some positive phrases that make them feel super proud. The more you praise that good behavior, the more they will strive to continue it.
2 – Gentle Discipline
Gentle discipline is a concept where both parent and child show mutual respect and should be started at birth. In more human words... you don’t punish, you set consequences based on their bad behavior.
Gentle parenting encourages logical and natural consequences, while also praising good behavior. It involves these basics concepts:
- Parent and child stay calm and never yell or discipline in anger
- Expectations represent the age and maturity level of the child
- Showing love and encouragement to the child. Reinforce you love them but you dislike their bad behavior
- Set a good example by keeping your cool, talking to your child in a calm manner.
- Consequences represent bad behavior.
Ways you can incorporate this technique at home: Gentle parenting encourages parents to stop, take a break, and take a breath. Assesses the situation before acting. This parenting style focuses and manages parents emotions.
Learn more about Gentle Parenting by going here.
3 – Boundary Based Discipline
Boundary Base Discipline is somewhat as it sounds. You set boundaries and you give clear rules and direction. The consequences are clear and set out beforehand. When rules are broken, the consequences are consistent because they’ve been laid out beforehand.
Kids often test the limits of boundary-based discipline to see if the consistency really exists. If you use this method, it’s extremely important to stick to the consequences no matter what the behavior. As hard as it is to stay calm at certain times and you may want to enforce harder punishments… consistency really is key to making this discipline technique work.
Ways you can incorporate this technique at home: Always start by stating the rules and stating the consequences. Stay calm no matter how bad the behavior. Give warnings such as “You have 5 minutes to clean your room or you’ll lose your tablet for the entire day”. Use “breaks” if your child still doesn’t follow the rules or needs to calm down.
This resource is a great way to learn more about Boundary Based discipline and how you can incorporate it into your parenting.
4 – Behavior Modification
Behavior modification utilizes both positive and negative discipline. Positive behavior gets rewarded, and negative behavior gets punishment. This is a good parenting technique for people who just can’t accept letting kids get away with bad behavior.
The hope for this parenting technique is that kids will want to earn the rewards for the good behavior they exhibit, but that they will also learn to stop the bad behavior because they don’t want the consequences that come with it (loss of time with friends, no electronics, missing out on a party, etc)
Ways you can incorporate this technique at home: You don’t just acknowledge the good behavior, you reward it. So when your kid gets a good grade in school, you reward their behavior by taking them out for dinner or letting them earn extra computer time. If they come home with a bad grade, they have to do extra work to make up for it, as well as have computer time taken away.
5 – Emotion Coaching
Emotion coaching is a parenting technique that focuses on Childrens feelings and helps them to understand their feelings. It takes a lot of patience on the parents part to put any anger aside and the bad behavior, and to take the time to find out why they broke a rule.
Parents who use this technique help kids understand their feelings, verbalize them, and then work through the feelings so that bad behavior does not continue.
This technique may take a stronger parent but is also a great way to strengthen your bond with your kid, and help them to learn how to deal with their emotions more quickly when they get upset.
Ways you can incorporate this technique at home: When your child gets angry, upset, or breaks a rule… you sit down with them and discuss the reasons why they broke the rule. Acknowledge their feelings about it (even if you disagree) and then formulate a plan together to make sure that particular behavior
Other Positive Parenting Resources that you may be interested in:
- How Do I Stop My Child From Back Talking?
- Effective Ways to Make Angry Kids Calm Down
- How to Deal with your Bossy Kid
- The Parenting Tips You Need For Raising a Strong-Willed Child
Like most things in life, everything is better with a plan. The times I’ve really lost my cool with my daughter are the times I forget these basic rules of positive parenting.
If you can pick a discipline technique and stick with it, you’re much more likely to keep calm and avoid any kind of yelling or screaming at your child, that you most likely will end up regretting the next morning.
After all, how do we expect our kids to stay calm and follow rules if we can’t? Whether we like it or not, our kids follow our behavior. So start early by setting a good example, and times of discipline will never seem as hard.
The best way to start using any kind of positive parenting discipline techniques is by getting this list of 50 positive sayings you can use with your kids every day.